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  • Writer's pictureSadiya Kauser Ahmad

The ring makes all the difference

“a perfect marriage is between two imperfect people who simply refuse to give up on each other”

the ring makes all the difference

In the world we live today, it's often seen people around us getting in and out of relationships too quickly or rather too frequently. It's a pattern observed or perhaps a trend that is generally considered okay and widely accepted. Yet a handful who are traditional in their views tend to worry a bit and often question the society, should this currently really be a norm? Some tend to sense a feeling of casualness exercised in relationships that lacks loyalty and sheer dedication. It’s like you want to sit behind those wheels and test drive a Mercedes, a BMW, and a Ferrari to know which is “the one” meant just for you. Are relationships really meant to be this way? No absolutely not!

For centuries this subject remains a favorite among debaters and gossipmongers. If one goes down history you may believe how for generations our forefathers spoke about infidelity and polygamous relationships, how it was largely looked at and considered as a sin, taboo and discouraged, and condemned by the people of that time. Yet there was one segment of people who enjoyed and indulged in such sinful, forbidden pleasures. Often the behavior is observed to be a pattern largely due to the quest to seek variety and to spice up the erotic lustful game which is physical wants or could be falling out of love and a clear indicator of emotional needs. There are reasons as to why people believe this and often conclude it to be true once they get into and out of relationships too quickly or too frequently hoping to look for a better one only to realize with time that there is no such thing as “the one”, I will tell you why.

People who date each other could probably just be as excited to find solace and comfort in simply seeing each other, exchanging sexual notes, or doing activities together. It could be first in the form of “no strings attached” but with time the growing chemistry could bud into something more. That's when couples often move up the game to the next level and consider to "live in together". Here they tend to experience what it is like to be married to a person. It allows the person to show their vulnerable side, their strengths and weaknesses. The lover gets the actual glimpse of the reality, their partner's personality and who they really are. This makes it easier for the lover to decide if he or she can accept and embrace their flaws and love them beyond their shortcomings and consider them to be the best match as a partner to spend the rest of their life with. However not all are probably privileged to believe in the ideology to get into such an arrangement. Knowingly or unknowingly many end up in the vows of marriage with the belief that it is going to be a bed of roses or things will be ok after a few meetings. That's where the actual trouble starts brewing because reality does not meet expectations with mere assumptions. While some may mask off themselves within a short period of time, it takes years on the other hand for the rest to figure out who their partner really is and only time does this for you.

Marriage is a sacred contract between a man and woman who physically, emotionally, and spiritually commit themselves to this relationship. Here the individuals consciously decide to give in their everything to work it out even during tests of time. Despite having said that many commit the act of adultery. Some of the most obvious reasons are lack of excitement, satisfaction and happiness in their existing relationship. Whatever the reason may be falling out of love is a huge big red flag and many times people unknowingly end up getting caught into an affair to seek immediate gratification without realizing this simple reason. Emotional affair is often found to be way more damaging than a physical one. However with time, the person does tend to build up feelings of guilt within oneself and eventually puts an end to one of the existing relationships. There can be many reasons to this conclusion for example legal implications, money, emotions, children, immaturity, society, etc and either he or she decides to call their marriage quits and move on in life or simply end the affair and go back to their spouse and give it another shot to work it out. In the majority of cases, it’s the amount of time and effort that has been heavily invested in the marriage, the spouse who has probably unconditionally being there that triggers guilt in the infidel spouse and wins the game. The cheated partner who has suffered breach of trust may often find it very difficult to forgive and forget. Those who can and believe the infidel spouse deserves a second chance compromise to the given situation, however the ones who simply can't move forward for a divorce. So you see both sides add equal weight to the equation.

Now lets talk about the other part of the story. Falling out of love with your partner and falling in love with someone else is the worst thing that could happen. Nobody plans for it and many don't even realize when this happens. Of course, I mean the innocent and ignorant ones, and there are also the selfish ones who are aware about it and yet choose to stray being in marriage. In which case you need to clearly communicate to this new beauty ( the other man or woman) who you are interested in and insanely attracted to that probably it's just lust and casual. Setting the right expectations is so important you know! It’s totally an inhuman thing to make a lover fall in love with you and then not love them back if things don‘t go the way you thought or planned. You should think about this way much before and not after they fall for you. It’s extremely selfish and wrong on your part to mess around with someone's feelings and then say it was nothing and that I love my wife or husband, because that's absolute Bullshit!!!

Now it’s also not necessary the other man or woman is loose. Respecting and acknowledging the love of the lover is perhaps chivalry especially when the interest is shown from both sides. You see, killing love is not everyone's cup of tea and to live with unrequited love is even more painful. Hence whatever it may be, man up, woman up, speak the truth to your spouse or lover. Own it up, be responsible and for once think about all sides and not just yourself. A heartbreak makes one fragile and probably they may be at their most vulnerable tipping point, and love does make one crazy so appreciate and have the courtesy to handle it with utmost sensitivity and humanity, because you can actually rip them apart to pieces. Not all have the capacity to fall, pick up the pieces, rise again and move on. You also can’t just abandon or ghost the lover or simply accuse them of stalking, harassment, and label them a psycho only to get rid of them? Well for all you know, you may be a narcissist too who blew hot and cold and appeared interested and so mysterious to them to persuade you and to just blame them and hold responsible for falling head over heels and all over you and chasing you, if someone accepts this to be the absolute truth? Pity them to be a fool, Period!

It’s often said “a perfect marriage is between two imperfect people who simply refuse to give up on each other”. Well, I would agree to it after all the ring does make all the difference.

PS: People who disagree with the above perspective please note it is purely out of facts, observations, and experiences in my life.


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